


Guts in the Shell

by Stolen_Writer



Category: The 25th Ward: The Silver Case, シルバー事件 | The Silver Case
Genre: Alternate Ending, M/M, Philosophy, Short, Uncertain Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19286536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stolen_Writer/pseuds/Stolen_Writer
Summary: Out of everyone he met, Shiroyabu was the only one that stood out. Someone from that ward, yet one that didn’t fit it. Scorned, hated by everyone, even his own self. Pushed away by all, pushed away by death. Weren’t they the same? Two sides of the same cable. Two of a million. But, no. Shiroyabu wasn’t like any other. He was his own person, while Uehara was part of many. ...And Kamui desired so much to be a part of something that would not bring him back to square one. A part of someone who could actually give him something for a change.





	Guts in the Shell

**Author's Note:**

> Delirious me trying to make up something coherent out of the thoughts roaming my head, with an unconventional ship. Sort of a continuation from the 25th Ward's multiple endings, because I can't seem to let them go. Hope you enjoy it!

The two were bound by fate. But, who could even believe in something so bland? Fate was just an excuse for all things predictable, for a future destroyed. The thoughts of each and every person related to you, they turn the future into a dream already foretold. 

A hundred decisions. Just a hundred. No space for more. That was proof for him. He didn't really have much of a choice at all. The first hundred thoughts he got, were the only choices he could take always and forever. No matter how many times he tried again and again, no matter if someone were to cheat for him to try again. It wouldn't change, in the end. It would always remain… a hundred choices, those hundred choices that appeared in a flash and gradually turned blue. 

Maybe inside those, he could find a way to actually escape whatever it was that he called destiny. Maybe he could break the system, bend it to his own will, even while having chains. Isn't that what him, as a Kamui, could do? No, that was wrong. Him as a person. That's what he could do, yes, of course he could.

So, he searched. He would always search, he would escape. Choose, die and be reborn. Choose, be killed and be reborn. Choose, run away and be processed. Choose, be captured and open your eyes again. Escape, kill, escape, be killed, escape, try again. Escape and cleanse the world… No… Just being a person was fine… Being a person, settling down and waiting for death, indirectly. Why couldn't he…? Why couldn't he be that way? 

Yes, the only choice was… Death. Death was the quickest way to escape. But not any death. A permanent one. Did something like that even exist for him? Since the day he was born, since before being idealized by the world itself, he had already been sealed by a fate far crueler than any other. The fate of being who he was. The fate of Kamui, the undying, that immortal presence. Even now, people used the name lightly, him included. Who was to understand how much harm that caused? Sealed by such fate caused him to want a change, to believe there existed something he could do.

And he remembered… His attention went to him. Shiroyabu Mokutaro. 

Out of everyone he met, Shiroyabu was the only one that stood out. Someone from that ward, yet one that didn’t fit it. Scorned, hated by everyone, even his own self. Pushed away by all, pushed away by death. Weren’t they the same? Two sides of the same cable. Two of a million. But, no. Shiroyabu wasn’t like any other. He was his own person, while Uehara was part of many. ...And Kamui desired so much to be a part of something that would not bring him back to square one. A part of someone who could actually give him something for a change. 

That person could only be Shiroyabu. He had already lost himself to a hundred choices… This part of him that could not find peace in between those choices needed him. He yearned for the traitorous touch of the wonder that was a man in between spaces. He needed him. Even if he was to be stabbed again and again. Even if he promised to find him and start all over again. None of that really mattered. What he wanted was one more chance to intertwine between the prohibited spaces that made up the existence of white. He wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to unite to him… and be separate… and be destroyed… and rebuilt. But, only by that very same person. Mokutaro Shiroyabu. 

Existing was a fickle thing, committing to someone was just as fickle. He noticed that, he was aware ever since his being divided. No, was that not him being freed from the shackles of the multiple personalities that were forced within him? And he was so scared of being just a shell… Maybe he was… But a shell looking to be filled. It was pretty. It was fleeting and beautiful. At least, he preserved some kind of opinion, points of view that made him be someone else and not just a space to be filled. It all made sense. But, it didn’t. What was the meaning of him being possessed if not to be freed by his prince in shining white armor? 

Those hundred choices… weren’t really his. They were just letters of goodbye from the outsiders invading him. Shiroyabu didn’t even bother letting him know. Maybe it was for the best, it was mandatory for him to reach the right conclusion, by himself. He proved he could do it, if just given the time. And now… he had it. After a hundred choices went by with him petrified, he was finally free… So, why? Why was he still expecting to be saved by a prince that had finished its purpose? But, which one was it, again? Right… leading him to the end of a story, of his own story. 

One, two, three steps… and he was facing him again. Absent, obsessive, relentlessly violent and cruel. Bullshit. Words that couldn’t begin to describe the man he had been a comrade of. Scratching the fucking surface. Just like him, he was shell with delirium, a shell that had been looking so hard to be filled… That was a blatant lie. He was just the gruesome filling. The contents, guts waiting to be covered up by a conveniently empty shell. That was why he couldn’t fit. A shell can act the part, the guts are exposed and cannot fake the ugly truth. Truly… the most beautiful being out there. 

Forced to repeat until his loop would loop, it was normal for him to give in to his own guilty pleasures. Anyone would get tired of waiting for a shell that wasn’t even promised. Being spilled guts, trying to gather up the pieces, he was a mess. Shiroyabu was a stupid, pathetic mess. A mess everyone kicked away. A mess that no one wanted to clean. 

But Kamui Uehara was the shell. He had always been. He wanted to be his shell. As strange as it felt for him, he felt a desire to _be_. To finally and simply _be_. And this required for him to _be_ his… His one and only messed up shell.

_This world won’t give anything to us. It cannot. It has tried, believe me… I’ve seen it. There is nothing for us here… But there is also nothing for us beyond. We are stuck… We are all we got. Can’t we just… rest on each other’s arms already? Aren’t we both so tired?_

_**“Maybe what we yearn for is not the same.”** but that is a lie. Don’t you see how good you are at lying even to yourself? You keep pursuing ghosts that have no place within you, because that is all you have ever been able to do. They are gone. You are gone. I am gone, too. But, we are standing right in front of each other. It must mean something. No, it does mean something. _

_**“And, if it doesn’t?”** If it does not… I will forge a path that will make it so. Cleansing the world, eradicating it, leaving it be… There is always a way. For me, that is. And for you… is it not the same? Is it not finally the same for you… as it is for me?_

Words that had no sort of meaning, mixed up with words that meant the world for each other. It was… a fitting way of connecting, of finally taking the reins of what was left. 

One final choice: Breakout with Shiroyabu.

**Author's Note:**

> If you finished reading all the way, I thank you very much! If you didn't, I thank you anyway for the effort! This was a ride to write and even more of a ride to send out into the world. I appreciate your appreciation, as always! Have a great day!


End file.
